I'm Back

I gave up writing because I got weirded out how people felt connected to me by reading my blog. But that is what a Blog is all about. It wasn't really everyone, it was only one person and now that person is a blip in the memory. It wasn't anything major that happened, it just made me think being more reclusive is better. That kinda sucks for a social girl like myself. I have been away a long time, and I really threw myself into being busy. Somehow, I forgot about all the people close to me and how much I loved doing other things other than work. Don't get me wrong, I love work and everyone there. but today I saw a friend who had a baby 7 weeks ago and I hadn't even bought a gift or saw the baby. I felt really stupid mumbling that I let time get away from me. But that is the truth, I did think about her and the baby, but would tell myself that I am too busy and will do it next week. Now I fill crappy for not doing it in the first place.

Today opened my thoughts to alot of things, I have put my own goals on hold for, well pretty much forever. I love doing things for other people, I love helping people, it makes me feel so good. So why do I feel so crappy when I eat crappy food, skip exercise, not sleep, be stressed, etc - I do it to myself. Why don't I care about ME? I met a photographer that does boudoir photography and I REALLY want to have my picture taken. I love looking at the women in Playboy, the pictures are tasteful and so empowering and sexy. I want a super hot picture of ME! I want to do it, more than I have wanted anything.

February is my goal, 3 months. I am going to talk to the trainers on Monday. I want a specific program, I need a hard line with me, I want focus and determination. I have to eat right. That is so hard for me, I fall off the food wagon all the time. I start out great and then I dump off or rather jump off. I had a Whopper tonight. It is like I pushed the voice telling me "don't do it, you will regret it, you will feel like shit afterwards" right out of my head. Complete denial. And YES I do feel like shit!

I am going to keep writing in this blog, whether it is read or not. Point is: I like it and it makes me accountable. I am going to set daily, weekly, monthly goals every time. Whoa, I sound like I mean it... and I think I do this time.

Goal tomorrow: put away laundry, make healthy dinner, grocery shop, pick up good book from library.

Goal for the week: 2 training sessions and attempt some cardio during the week, increase water intake, make meals and carb load in the morning.

Goal for December: 2X week training, 2X week cardio, drop calories to 1500/day, organize my schedule to reflect workouts, food log, DROP 8lbs by Dec 31.

Wish me success!