Excuses

It has been a couple of days now, and I haven't been writing. I have been avoiding actually. I was afraid to write and tell how I was feeling. My mom came to visit and I was ready to throw everything out the window. I would "forget" to prepare meals for my lunches. I stopped taking my supplements. I stopped eating my 5 meals a day and slipped very comfortably back into 3 meals a day. I was just ignoring all the signs of losing my drive for weight loss. I would even walk by the scale in the bathroom, like it wasn't even there.

UGH...I am so disgusted with myself. What is worse is that I am back to 1 bathroom stop every two days. My tummy feels like a cement block. I am so bloated and uncomfortable, I can't stand it. I feel very strange in my own skin. I hate this feeling. The biggest problem is how I so easily let my weight loss goal become a non goal. I was very happy to let my mom visiting be my excuse. It is not HER fault, it is ME!!! Excuses, excuses! Excuses are non-tangible weapons we use on ourselves to as sabotage. They are just words, yet I use them so freely. I think it is Dr. Phil that says "let's get real with ourselves". What do I really want? Do I want to be skinny or do I want to be happy? I know happy is the answer, why do I think "skinny" is the answer. It will not solve my problems if I am not happy with myself. But I know I am not happy at my current weight, my goal is realistic. 130 lbs. I can do it.

First step is get on the treadmill tomorrow and prepare meals is the second. Ben is away for the next while, I will have time to prepare some meals for myself. Then book 2 training sessions this week. Only 2, I can do it, 1 hour out of an entire week. This is my promise for myself this week.