Lock the Grocery store doors!

I think all grocery stores should be closed during the dinner hour. Yup, make it a law. Shut'em down. That way we wouldn't stop at the grocery store on the way home from work! I do know better than going shopping for food right before dinner time. I was sure this time was going to be different, "in and out" I told myself.

It was all good in the produce aisle, didn't even hit the dairy aisle(cheese, yummy), raw meat and fish - easy, then came the bakery... I am sure they purposely put the brownies, cakes, cupcakes, pies strategically in the way of the good stuff. You have to walk through the goodies to get to the whole grain breads. You go from raw fish smell to the glorious, sweet smell of cake and cookies. My stomach instantly growled, oh what I wouldn't do to have a goodie. I actually stopped dead, and contemplated buying a goodie of sorts. I was even trying to configure a way in my head to make to calories fit into my portion size. Why can't we be realistic in these moments? I would be allowed one mouthful to fulfill my meal caloric intake and all the calories would be from processed sugar. UGH! That sucks. Then my head gets clearer and I think about the chicken and salad I had planned. That bowl was sure alot bigger than 1 bite of chocolate brownie from Safeway.

I went through this process 3 more times before I paid for my groceries. The mental game I had to play with myself was exhausting. At one point, I told myself that it was better to feed myself than starve! Oh ya, poor me, can't wait 10 more minutes to get home and eat a healthy meal. Finally, I grabbed my receipt and got the hell out of the temptation. Only to walk outside to the warm aroma of Teen Burgers... the A&W across the parking lot had the largest, brightest neon signs I have ever seen. It was like a powerful magnet just pulling me towards safety. I think I even leaned a bit forward so my nose could lead me. Crap! Just snap out of it Holly! I firmly set my pace for my car and headed for home.

All the way home I was imaging a law being passed that grocery stores had to close over dinner hour. Everyone had to go home and eat a nutritious meal. Like you would be ticketed or something if you didn't. I think it would work. I would eat a nice meal and then grocery shop on a full tummy and only buy what is one my list. I know I would save alot of money this way. No eating out, no unnecessary food items in your cart, no cravings, yes my world would be easy!

Lars has talked alot about acceptance, meaning I need to accept who I am right now. It is so hard because for so long I didn't like who I was. I mean I liked my family, kids, husband, home, job, etc. I didn't like my image. Sometimes I would just imagine that my brain is really who I am and the body just carries the brain. That is true to an extent but the body does matter. You have to fit into clothes, sit in chairs, hug people, stand in front of a crowd, your body does make you who you are. It really comes down to how you view your own body. How does it feel in those clothes? Why does it matter what you look like when you sit down? Why does it matter if you have to hug someone you care about and cares for you? And if you are standing in front of a crowd, it is probably because they came for what you have to say (unless you are a model). How I feel about myself is what defines what others think. When I met Ben, he was over 200 lbs, and size 42 pants. He was a large guy, I honestly never saw him that way at all. He never felt that way either. He was Ben and I was Holly. When I see pictures now, I almost don't even remember him looking that way at all. I only remember how happy he made me!

I am gong to bed now, feeling great about my will power ( as much as I had) and I am going to give my tummy some love. Yup, I am going to look at it in the mirror and tell my tummy how much I love it!